Question

I don't understand my friends who shall I call X. X had make a statement means that I am not a a good Christian if I didn't actively involve in a Christian organization and in prayer group. however, is it in the bible that  to be good Christian we must involve in a Christian organization and  not the Church?

From what I know Prayer group is about how we learn from each other and help each other grow. The thing is if attending a prayer group had give me discomfort Is it not good to pray alone for temporary ? Of course I not pray everyday. But I still do.
Pride is a thing that we all have. Is it bad to have pride? I doubt you don't have..Beside not agreeing in some stuff doesn't make you a prideful person is it? It is call having different opinion.
Just because you were careful in listening to sermon and checking on the "source" behind it does it make you a prideful person? I personally think it doesn't disrespect the speaker anyway because in my heart I am only thinking it is true or not the stuff he/she spoke of.
My friend also said something about Leader, If the leader fall it doesn't matter since we all human. Yes I think it true but doesn't the leader effect the whole organisation? If the leader spiritual state not right can he lead others?
Isn't it every Christian duty to get alert from not being swayed away?
Isn't calling people prideful is kind of judgmental when you don't meet eye to eye, and hypocrite to denial you are being judgmental? Further
Denial. Not agreeing on things people said is it call denial when you think it true?
Of course this doesn't include the perception of what I think my-self since perception is vary according to  people.
What wrong with being tradition and not Charismatic?
I have nothing against Charismatic and nothing against speaking in Tongue(though it make me uncomfortable since I don't know what to do when they speak in tongue and I finish praying).
Is it less spiritual?
It is more spiritual when you speak in Tongue?
Growing spiritually is important, but isn't it private thing where people would share when they want to and yes you can ask but can you like after asking then judge you base on your spiritual journey? Aren't we all learning?
Yes you care about me I know but as a person I don't like to be told what to do for my personal life but advise  
and comment are allow since friends are there to correct a brother when they think the brother is wrong. But to me correcting is fine, you can even scold me (I don't mind if you are right) and I will ponder upon them, but never try to pin your opinion on me. I am still human and have my own opinion

Life is fragile

I learn life is fragile just this Thursday at that day. It was a fine morning when I went decided to have a quick stroll to Public Bank after class. A stroll that will end up in cash or so I thought. So after having lunch with my friends I take a bus to Genting Klang. A lunch at McDonald that I never forget. I can still remember we touch a lot of topics, uhh come to think of it actually not much topics just some small talk which I couldn't remember much except the part where I kena screw which I must admit my entire fault. I must really remember to be more smart next time, don't want to upset my friends do I? Though I like to hang around more with my friends I have a bank waiting for me to *rob*[muahahhaha]*evil smile*. But I never knew that incident would occur that I hit by a car . My goodness that experience was quite shocking. Just as I run across the street a car (a very expensive car I must add, look like a Benz or BMW). It hit me in the right leg and smash me to the road, Thank God I wasn't hurt, I still fear that after I almost recover from my left lag injuries I would have a right leg injuries. Thank God I was save in sound. Thank my Heavenly Father. Life is fragile. The funny things is the moment the car hit me my shoes- left shoe fly off. At that time I was too stunt to think. Now that i think about it it was quite funny. This incident remind me God power work wonderfully plus I must appreciate life more don't know when it end.

Death

Death is everything. I am what the world made me. I f I am a loner then it is because the world made me. Nothing is good nothing is bad. Who would want to be a thief when they can be king. People are what they are because of the food they partake and pruning they receive

HOPE IS A THING THAT NEVER SHOULD EXIST IF THERE IS HOPE THERE IS DESPAIR THE GREATER THE HOPE THE MORE DESPAIR IT BRING
HAI IF ONLY I NEVER LOOK FOR FRIENDS LIKE I DID IN MY SECONDARY LIFE I WOULD NEVER SUFFER BY FRIENDS ABANDONESS

WONDER WHERE IS THE RIGHT PLACE TO DIE A LEGAL PLACE MAKE NO DIFFERENCE WITH THE LOST A INSIGNIFICANT INSECT LIKE ME

la mort est un art, il signifie la métamorphose du corps de décomposition d'une vie pleine de sens
 

KILL

TO KILL OR NOT TO KILL?

who want to be loner when they can choose? they are loner for there is no choice

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more love only more hurt

can things go on like last time?

I hope time can reverse my problem and restore me

Tearless grief bleeds inwardly

Option

A SOLUTION?

lonliness

Loneliness is and always has been the central and inevitable experience of every man. A quote by Thomas Wolfe-a American story writer and novelist. i found this quote apealing, it contain some truth in it. we are all alone no matter what we said. we may sugar coat and said 'hey i had a lot of friend', 'they always there for me, alone iam not', 'all are my friends'. you know what, in the end of days we may be lonly regardless of what we said for it is in our nature. we are born alone. that is why infants-us are born alone not pair (exculding twins). that is why infant which born are so demanding (though very cute and adorable). you can see by the way they act. All the time, they use all sort of technique to stole lime light like crying, smashing stuft and bullying others. why they do that? simple is the reason. They want attention for they are alone. as adults we no different from infant though we are born again christians, we are never alone we had God only Him and only Him we have. that is why God is there to take care of us He take care of the simple-hearted. however, in us lies a gene/DNA (lonliness) which never disapear only reduce.
we are always alone. at times people like me gaze the moon and ask why? i had lots of friends but why i feel lonly? why? simple not that friends are not good to you. They are not the problem but i am.

in the 'real' world trust is a dangerous thing i seen before hearts and career destroy because of that. once i trust a person with all my heart but in the end of the day he using me only like others i am just a clown. no one see me as person they never do and never will. But God do! I trust HIm always only Him i Fully Trust.

we will always alone. we are meant to be for we are different. rabbits are united because they do not think  humans can't be fully united for they think. people by different interest are hard not impossible to deal with. even me i had only few friends to trust. the rest i do not. in thier hear i am a clown. 
lonly is our destiny.  for alone we crawl from our mother womb alone we shall be. sometimes i wish my i had my friends is worm(in chinese wise saying worms means friends who know your heart in chinese it pronounce as du zi li de chon) but they never will for the problem is me the biggest problem is me


I am my own Enemies, my own problems
FRIENDS ARE GOOD BAD IS ME

GOOD BYE THIS IS MY LAST POST GOOD BYE HEARTBROKEN HOPE WE NEVER MEET AGAIN! THANKS FOR ALL MY FRIENDS!

TROUBLE MIND

Recantly my friend had been ..... with someone at night. she/he always facebook at this momment. at first i thought she do this because she adicted to it. then i notice L.M.Y.S facebook only that friend which i call .C.E.R.L are facebooking. i find this mind disturbing ! I dont know what to do. maybe it nithing but i fell there is something.the question is what busines it has with me?who i am to L.M.Y.S .All i can do is burry my inner heart in me as i always do. What else can i do? i dont what else can i do as i am a coward. i mean who will like me might as well keep quit, then everybody happy. though it seem to others it is very obvious but i will try to conceal my inner heart so all can be rejoice. This is a secret that never should be spoken. i know that he/she will never like me. for what can L.M.Y.S look in me? once i confess to my dear friend and being rejected. i will not repeat the same mistake. if L.M.Y.S didnt like me then so be it. if this is the case then why am i here craping? this is because i did'nt even have the courage to confess!! I wish i know what he/she thinking. but i dont even know as i not a good talker and very bad at communicating. i was never good when talking to the one i love. If he/she like that person than so be it. I guess i will suffer alone as usual !

I GUESS IT WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE!!!!!!!!!!

HEAL MY PAIN

PLEASE HEAL MY HEART!!!
I KNOW THIS IS CHILDISH BUT I CANT HELP IT! THE FEELING OF IN BETWEEN F AND L IS PAINFUL

HEARTPAIN

MY HEART WILL NEVER BE THE SAME OH I HOPE I CAN BURRIED THE PAIN IN MY HEART!!!!

PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME LIKE THAT MY.............

HEARTBROKEN

I HOPE YOU FIX MY HEART SINCE YOU HURT MY HEART !!!!!!



Heartbroken

                    For people who is my age, i can be quite naive in the affair of the heart. from the day i born i had no problems with my studies(if i work hard), but i always find it hard to express myself. i always feel like i was on the edge of unstadiness when i try to express myself from the moment my eyes encounter with "friends" at my earlier year even as earlier as pre-school. I had always dread at the notion of talking my heart out  to others unlike the rest wgo find it easier to talk to friens about thier emotion, but that doesnt post much trouble to me as i previously had fews friends.Now that i found real friends it is more harder for me to express myself. that okay i guess unable to express myself to friends since friends usually know what you think before you speak of anything. It is not enough that i cannot/can't express myself.I now have to encounter about problems of the heart, it is quite a painful experinces expecially when you have immense feeling about a person whom shall not be name here. i dont know what to do and say. i got crush with someone.i dont know when who i shall call M . E.. to know what M . E thnking. M . E always seem to be happy with others except me recently and i dont know why and M . E had said me very "fan". Last time M . E is happy arround me recently  act like i am annoying and trying  best not to offend me. M . E had ignore every of my messages and act as if i annoying, i suspect M . E liking someone else as M . E seems happy arround that someone.I suspect M . E knows my feeling and is reject me slowly but still being kind i seriously dont know what to do.I had ask friends in a social network about it and the most inspiring answer are 1. M . Edoesnt like me,2 M . E tried to meke me jealous 3. M . E doesnt worth my time.Me, personally think the answer is 4-M . E is rejecting me softly.you can call me sensitive but i know best for i am familiar with rejection. I always had and probably always will been rejected. I had come to know the wind before rejection comes, I always smell them coming. Now i smelling it is coming i dont know when but soon.

love?

what is love? iI never experience before
i hope some one can show me the way so i can show others like my friend old pal



                                        

I ONCE HAD A DREAM

my heart was lost yet was crush therefore i live in the net-internet. for what i am if i cannot online people use to said me addicted to internet but that because i wanted to escape from the reality. A reality that hurt my heart. that my dream whihc i carry from years bak is yet again crush even when i now grown older. much much older

my heart was found but yet crush!

my biggest wish since my old days in high school is to fufil my dream which had fail.Twice i tried twice i fail. Now before this dream i dare not triy to reach and act like a COWARD. This dream of mine had once become  closed to me yet now so far like, it had become others dream. The result of being achieve by others. this is one thing i dare not think of and wish isnt true. i only had myself to blame for being too coward to reach my hand to it.

it cant be helped i guess. i was rejected once by dream for i had rejected from


all kind of relationship

teacher
neighbours
society
I cant help being a coward as it had became my nature.
NOW FOR THAT REASON I WILL BE COME A LONNER FOR WHAT ELSE CAN I BE WHEN I LOST MY HEART TWICE
i guess i can blame no one but me. A BIG COWARD.
cant even voice out not even to achieve dream but reach only
i cant even do that

   WHAT AM I IF I AM NOT A COWARD ?